Since May of 2000, television was revolutionized. Season one of the hit reality show, “Survivor” swept the nation… and then every other ridiculous idea came after that. Well… not every idea was ridiculous. In this article, I will go over the reality shows that make people wish they were living that sort of life instead of their own. Also, the reality shows that still make people wish they were living a different life, but only because they realized they just wasted their lives watching a load of crap.
Let me tell you what my definition of a “Reality Show” is. A reality show is supposed to put normal people in conflicting or challenging circumstances while the cameras catch all of the unscripted action. So, before you go off saying, “Hey, ya jerk! I like Flava Flav!”, think about it. Besides, it’s my article so screw you.
Top 5 Best:
5. Dancing with the Stars – First off, I’d like to say that when I said reality shows are about normal people, I meant it. The people on this show are B-list celebs at best, and most are making some sort of comeback from something in their life. That’s as normal as you can get, without them being a nobody. Again, see the last line of the above paragraph if you disagree.
The season that really made me push this into my top five, was the one that featured Steve-O from “Jackass”. It was very inspirational to see him turn his life around from using drugs and drinking, to doing something as artistic as dancing. It was a class upgrade X10. Plus, it was kind of funny seeing him waltz in a tux, rather than prance in his underwear while stapling his nut sack to his leg. This show is full of class and entertainment from watching them trip over themselves in practice to them tearing up the floorboards on stage. Good job, ABC, for putting this show together.
4. America’s Next Top Model – Normally, I would condemn any show about an industry which supports eating disorders in young girls and women, but with host Tyra Banks, the show not only supports beauty, but also finding the beauty in yourself. For instance, several plus size models have been very accepted on this show (It’s only fair since Tyra’s forehead is bigger than any of them). The show challenges all of the contestants positively. Ok, end of the cliché. Yes, this show is marketed more towards women, but guys… you and I both know we’ve sat down and watched the marathons of the previous season. It’s entertaining, sexy, and FIERCE! This show is chalked up to the lesser watched, CW (AKA The WB).
3. Amazing Race – This show is in my personal top five. Teams of partners pit against each other for a cash prize while completing challenges in a race around different parts of the globe. The even better thing about this show is that they are great at casting contestants. They make sure that the teams not only work well together, but also have some sort of conflict between them, making everything more entertaining. Watching a midget and her forbidden lover wade through mud pits in the Louisiana swamps, or an obnoxiously gay duo scream at the top of their lungs while zip lining over a canyon; it can’t get much better. Kudos to CBS for this one.
2. American Idol – Putting this one in the top best list makes me want to puke, but I would be remiss if I didn’t. “American Idol”… the show that holds the highest ratings of any reality show and gets more votes than the American president. Simon Cowell might as well run the country. For those of you paranoid freaks that have been living in a cave for the past 15 years, “American Idol” starts each season off by holding auditions in different parts of the country as we watch the best and the absolute worst singers take their shot. If they get a pass to Hollywood, they are divided up and made to sing for the next several months until America picks their favorite (Not always the most talented). Thank you, America and FOX, for making me put this in the best list. That was sarcasm if you didn’t catch it… I mean, don’t you think something is wrong when someone like William Hung gets a record deal? Ugh… now I have to go take a shower.
1. Survivor – The original reality show. Some people say that all of the other reality shows are the same thing with different variations. I wouldn’t take it that far, but the producer of this show is the genius behind this long term fad. The very first season was amazing. The gay, nudist, would-be winner, Richard Hatch, running down the beach past the other competitors is burned into the minds of every reality show viewer. That’s when the show’s creator knew reality programming with no scripts was TV gold. By the way, Jeff Probst, the show’s host, is still biggest douche bag in any reality show. I KNOW, I know… Simon Cowell is mean, but Probst just flat out abuses his contestants (and it’s funny as hell). Another great one for CBS.
Top 5 Worst:
5. Big Brother – This is the first “put a bunch of hot, spoiled people together and see what kind of drama happens” show. It was the first cross-over between contest reality show and drama reality show. No one is sure if it was scripted or not, but I am inclined to say no due to the contest part of it. However, putting whorish people in the same house for money while the cameras are overhead, watching (The Big Brother part of the show), marks the turning point for evil in reality programming. I’m disappointed in you, CBS.
4. Wife Swap – Who in the hell came up with this idea? Either someone who was tired of their significant other or someone about to get divorced. This show takes wives/mothers from families that are polar opposites of each other. I mean opposite as in everything they do as a family and personalities. Then the cameras roll while the wives get verbally abused by the family they were traded to or as they take control of said family. Even worse, every once in a while, the wife would fit right in with the new family, making it awkward for everyone as America watches her “grow closer” with her new husband. ABC is at fault for this one.
3. Real World – The jump from a contest to scripted BS starts here. This show takes Big Brother, chokes the fun out of it and tells us we didn’t see any of the vicious murder. In fact, it tells us all we want to see are a bunch of smutty 20-something-year-olds, living together, cheating, lying, backstabbing, and screwing for their chance to stay longer in some Southern California mansion. Reminds me of one of the circles of Hell… probably the same one that the show’s host channel, MTV, came from.
2. Flavor of Love – What happens when you take the worlds ugliest, most obnoxious, man and put him on a show similar to the bachelor? You get a cesspool of ghetto booties, gold teeth, and oversized clocks. At least the bachelor has a little class. This is like asking all the women from the inner cities and trailer parks of the nation, to fight over the richest crack head they could find. However, the scene where “Pumkin” spit a loogie on “New York” will live in infamy. Bravo for that, but otherwise, up yours, VH1.
1. I Love New York – What’s worse than “Flava of Love”? A spin off show featuring one of its most famous contestants. Basically, copy and paste the above paragraph down here and switch the men and women. There’s not a whole lot more I can say except… VH1, what the f*** is wrong with you? What happened to music channels? I miss “The Box”.
- So You Think You Can Dance- Great show for dancing hopefuls and fanatics. Some of the routines are awesome. Even better when you can laugh at the stereotypically flamboyant male dancers.
- The Bachelor- Interesting show, but the marriages never work out. (Surprise!)The female version was the same, just switch the places. If you attend their weddings, don’t get a gift that you can’t return.
- Laguna Beach- At least this show admits to being BS. Yet girls who claim they hate drama, watch this and secretly wish it was them.
- America’s Got Talent- This is more like a variety show. Never the less, it’s still fun to watch and you usually end up rooting for someone hardcore. (Go ventriloquist guy!)
- The Mole- This is probably my all time favorite reality show. It was dubbed “The smartest show on television” until it was canceled. I think that’s a testament to America’s general intelligence. Fear Factor- This didn’t make the list because it’s more of a game show than a reality show. People doing gross or scary things for a measly 50K. You like balls in your mouth? (Cow balls that is.)
- Super Nanny- A show for parents who don’t know how to parent. What’s one way to make bratty kids behave? Bring in a nanny who is even more bratty.
- Extreme Makeover: Home Edition – Not really a reality show. More like a show about people doing nice things for other people. Also, I don’t care if you’re Jack The Ripper, you will shed a tear at some point.
- Black. White.- What’s even more stupid than swapping wives? Swapping races! I know the show was supposed to make you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, but did no one see the potential for disaster here… on national TV? C’mon FX.
- I Survived a Japanese Game Show- Another favorite of mine. A bunch of Americans sent to Japan to compete against each other on a game show. Japan… thank you for being so weird.